Thursday, December 1, 2016


I love Seth. My second child who often takes a back seat to the big brother. The child who gets less attention because he requires less attention.

Evan was easy to love. I knew his name months before he was born. I prayed for him before he was born. I had a million appointments and ultrasounds and then open fetal surgery for him before he was born. He and I have a super close relationship (too close sometimes) and lots of love born out of lots of shared experiences and struggles.

Then there's Seth. Ha ha! I didn't know what his name was going to be until after he was born. I prayed for him before he was born, but I'm not exactly sure what for. He was always fine. I remember that for the first few weeks, every time I said Seth's name I had to really think about it. Is that really his name? Then there was the constant crying. The hours it took to get him to sleep. The challenges and restrictions with breastfeeding. More crying, especially in the car. Seth was so hard as a newborn. People would ask how he was, and there were few nice things I could honestly say about him.

I always said I loved Seth. All moms love their children, right? But I really didn't feel it. I didn't have the excitement when I saw him, the joy from his achievements. It's been interesting as he hits milestones--I obviously appreciate each new skill he learns, but just not in the way it was when Evan hit milestones. Elatement. Relief. Pride. I wasn't feeling that with Seth. I didn't love him as much. I wondered if it was like that for everyone with subsequent children. Are they always loved less than the first?

I can't say what it is that's changed recently because I honestly don't know. But I have a newfound fascination with my Seffy boy, as he's known around here. He is SMART! And funny. Maybe it's the fact that he can interact with us now. He responds to things I say and he can copy things I do. He plays with Evan. They make each other laugh. In fact, I'm able to blog while they're both awake right now because they're entertaining each other in Seth's room.

Seth loves music. The piano, ukulele, maracas, toy guitar, cat piano, any toy that plays songs...he knows all the buttons to push and he always pushes the button right after the song stops so the music never ends. He dances with his hands and shakes his head. He sits with one leg in front and one leg behind. Evan always asks, "Can I sit like Seth?" and tries to copy him. Seth loves being on the move, but he doesn't like crawling very far. So he comes to me and whines until I give him my finger and walk with him until he finds something new to do. He is really good at playing with toys independently.

His nickname is trouble maker and Evan often says, "Uh oh! Here comes Trouble!" He always goes for the bathroom (specifically the toilet) and the cupboard with the cleaners. He loves cords and electronics. He always finds Siri when he gets a hold of my phone. He throws his food off the tray when he's done eating. He spits out his drink when using a straw. He gravitates toward dirt and water. He has shocked me by being surprisingly humane with our Christmas tree.

When Evan is in school, our schedule works out so that I get about 3 hours of one-on-one time with Seth while Evan is gone. Then Seth goes down for a nap as Evan comes home and I have 2-3 hours solo with Evan. I cherish one-on-one time. I love being able to focus on each boy and give them my full attention. I love learning their individual personalities. When they're together there tends to be a lot of disciplining, but when they're alone I love being able to love on them.

It took us a year, but I really do love Seth now. Happy first birthday Seffy!